Hiccup the Fourth: Wedding Favours Redux

So, let's backtrack to September. I had received a set of crap-quality items that I would in no way want to give to guests as wedding favours and I lost the Paypal dispute that took place afterwards. In a rare moment of clarity, I realised that I could have much better quality items for a lower price if I went to the source - China! - and had my mum ship them across to me.

I was super excited about this idea because not only am I getting good stuff that's been received and vetted by my mother (who has a discerning eye for quality in general), they were also going to cost just over half of what the other disastrous order did, including shipping!

Typically, EMS International has been supremely reliable. I've never had to wait more than a month for my stuff to get here. My mum sent the package around the end of September.

We are now approaching the end of November, and I've yet to receive them. They were sent with limited tracking, so my calls to Australia Post could only confirm that they left China in early October and have not yet arrived in Australia. Our option is to launch an investigation into what happened, but ultimately it's not looking promising for my stuff to be in my hands before I actually need them.

I haven't exactly had a meltdown over this (yet); it'd be more accurately described as a slow, slow burn that's been hovering in the pit of my stomach since the end of October. My usual technique to calm myself - as long as we marry each other the day will be a success - has been working, but its effects have reached the point of diminishing marginal utility.

(That's mostly my way of acting like I still remember anything from my finance degree.)

Fortunately, I've been able to scribble down a number of backup plans and ideas. Problem-solving the problem has been pretty relaxing and calming for me, but this is the second time I've had to solve the same goddamn problem. Plus, if the original package my mum sent DOES eventually arrive, I have no idea what I'm going to do with all these extra somethings. eBay, I suppose.

Anyway, here's hoping that everything works out. It'd be ideal if the original package just got here, but at least I've got a couple of backup plans just in case.

Oh *THERE* You Are, Breaking Point!

I was wondering what had been keeping you! I'm super glad you've finally found your way into my brain, but only because I'd been wondering when exactly you were going to decide to turn up.

For much of the past few months, things have been relatively calm. All my hiccups thus far, as I've pointed out before, have been minor and easily remedied. That's not to say I've just encountered a big, day-ruining hiccup, though. It's just that the minor hiccups had been slowing rolling into each other, picking up speed as they barreled downhill and I was just sitting there, minding my own business, hanging out on the piedmont, when FOOMF! The avalanche hit.

It all started when we went on vacation to Melbourne to go to a gaming convention. That was fantastic, before you ask - we had a lot of fun checking out the newest AAA titles, indie games, and tabletop games. And while I'd brought my iPad with me, I didn't really get very much wedding planning done as I'd figured I needed a break from that, too.

Then, on the Sunday, I overheard Blake tell a mate of ours that our wedding was "next month".

HOLY SHIT, WHAT?

The gears frantically clicked into place and I realised that, indeed, it was now November. NOVEMBER. THE MONTH BEFORE DECEMBER.

Suddenly, I no longer had "all the time in the world" to solve any issues that popped up. Suddenly, anything I might need ordered in from overseas may not actually get here in time for the wedding! Suddenly, people will start saying "whoa, that's soon!" and "I'm sorry that your other supplier cancelled on you, but we're fully booked for the rest of the year!" Suddenly, time was running out.

It's not even about things actually going wrong - it's suddenly worrying about things that might go wrong because what if I can't solve them?!

There have been a few other stressors rearing their ugly heads - mostly stuff to do with work and my physical health. I'm leaving that deliberately vague because this isn't the place to go into detail on either of these things, but I will say that I'm starting to get overwhelmed by things that don't normally overwhelm (or even whelm) me.

As an example, this evening I was poking around the internet looking for a bridal clutch purse. I then remembered that my grandmother gave me a small clutch years ago that was always a bit too shiny for my tastes so I never used it, but it'd be perfect for the wedding! I poked around in the house for a bit and couldn't find it and immediately became worried that I might have thrown it out or donated it in the last Great Wardrobe Purge. I promptly burst into tears, even as Blake helped me look.

The good news is, I did end up finding the clutch. It was one of those moments where the ever-sentimental past-Vivienne was looking out for future-Vivienne, even though present-Vivienne keeps telling herself she needs to get rid of anything she doesn't use!

The relief I felt when I found the clutch was intense, and it made me realise that the breaking point cometh. It was the smallest damned thing - I won't even have it on me until after the Ceremony! - and I was in tears over it?! I don't think the phrase "bridal clutch" was even in my vernacular when I first started planning the wedding!

Anyway, what prompted me to make this post was an admission that I need to maintain perspective. I've been really good at reminding myself that all I really need is for Blake to say yes and for the celebrant to do her legal bit, and the day will be a success! Everything else is extra. I repeat it like a mantra. But sometimes I think I say it so often that it loses meaning somehow, and these days the reminder only slows me down when I accompany it with a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath.

Hiccup the Third: The Dorothy Shoes

I really have to thank one of my coworkers for coining the term "Dorothy shoes". If you know nothing about them at all, that's an excellent clue, even though I totally reference them in an earlier blog post.

I ordered my wedding shoes from Shoes of Prey, who let you customise the style of your shoe within certain parameters. This was mainly to ensure that I had a style and color that I liked. I placed the order back in August (after spending 2 weeks agonising over how high the heels should be) and they arrived in late September. Within 4 weeks, as advertised.

I slipped into them and right away I loved how they looked and felt. I was worried they wouldn't fit but I could totally get my feet into them, hooray! But then, as my heartbeat returned to its normal rate, I realised with a great sadness that the more I wore them, the more I was beginning to notice a problem.

I didn't spot it at first, but effectively the shoes are a full size too big. Sticking my foot right back into the heel where it should be left a good amount of space between the toe of the shoe and my own toes. Not a good look nor a comfortable fit on an important day, I guess.

The thing that makes me laugh these days is that I actually considered just running with it. Grab some bubble wrap and squish it into the heel area, surely that'll do the trick and no one will be the wiser. The shoes will be hidden by the dress anyway, who cares if they don't look perfect? So I might roll my ankle on my wedding day, I do that all the time, would it really ruin the day?!

A thought - a realisation - crept in not long after I'd actually grabbed some paper and tried to squish it into the heel cup to see if that would work. I spent dollars on these shoes. Good dollars. And for such good dollars, I should be getting shoes that fit.

Shoes of Prey comes with a 365-day return/remake policy, which I imagine is part of the price they charge for the shoes. So why didn't I jump on that right away?

Because my dress fitting was in three weeks! (Two weeks as of the writing of this post.) That meant I needed to have shoes on-hand on the day so that the hem could be measured and trimmed. Even if they began to remake them THAT DAY, they're unlikely to arrive in time for the fitting (they claim a 4-week turnaround) and surely they're going to wait to receive my rejects before they even start on new ones!

I addressed my worries by doing something I rarely do anymore in this age of E-mails and online messaging systems - I picked up the phone and called someone.

The solution I managed to negotiate was that they'd get started on the new shoes straight away and try to get them to be before the fitting. Meanwhile, they'll let me keep the current ones to use for the fitting just in case they don't make it. I'm pretty psyched about this option and I think they agreed to it because I sent them photos of how they just didn't fit and they know I'm not full of crap.

Now, I'd written most of this post a couple of weeks ago, when the shoes first arrived. As of the time of this post's publication on the blog, my shoes are due to arrive this Thursday, in plenty of time before the fitting. Hooray! So, provided the shoes actually come in then and are the right size, I'm definitely giving Shoes of Prey an A+ for customer service.

Busted!

Remember that Etsy supplier I had an issue with regarding the wedding favours I wanted? Did some idle research today and realised she's just reselling wholesale stuff from another website that I'm pretty sure is not hers! This is not okay by Etsy's standards last I checked.

I'm not going to get my money back but I totally reported this to Etsy. I don't think the supplier even knew she was breaking any rules, but too bad.

I think that this might be karma, owner of Blissful Party Favors, aka reseller of stuff from Event Blossom. 

Does this make me petty? A bit. Do I care? Nope. Shoot, I'm a hair's breadth away from inviting other people to report the shop, just in case Etsy decides to ignore me or thinks my report is too soft. 

Thing is, if they'd just given me my money back I would have had no cause to do any research and, on finding some dirt, decide to then mess with their livelihood. Tough shit.

Hiccup the Second: Hair and Makeup

I'd booked with a reputable hair and makeup service in the third week of August, purely so that I knew that there'd be someone to do it. I didn't particularly care much about trialling a whole bunch of places and then choosing one because I don't have strong opinions on makeup or hair anyway. From what this particular agency said on their website, they pretty much sat down with you during their trial and didn't leave until you were happy. I'm largely indifferent on makeup in general as I am beholden to the notion that less is more, and I already knew roughly what I wanted for my hair, too, so I figured I wasn't going to be disappointed. I wouldn't even really know if they were fucking it up,

Anyway, I got an E-mail from them earlier this week where they told me that they would no longer be able to offer me the makeup artist I'd booked due to medical reasons. They offered me an alternative artist, but she didn't use an airbrush, which is what I wanted because the less things that touch my sensitive face-skin, the less likely it is to explode. So, naturally, I was a bit disappointed because I was super happy with their price and with the agency's manager, not to mention the fact that I now had to do the search all over again with one month less to go than before.

In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor hiccup. I have plenty of time to find someone else and to book in some trials before the day itself. My tax return will cover any extra cost incurred from needing to go with someone more expensive. It'll all work out.

Except that I'd already paid a deposit for both makeup and hair services. The agency was in within its right to keep the hair booking because I'd already paid for it, and I also felt bad insisting I get the full deposit back for something that wasn't their fault. But then it did mean that I'd have to deal with two agencies rather than one. Not the end of the world, but not what I'd prefer.

Now, I've withheld the name of the agency thus far lest you think I'm actually using this post to bags them out. The truth is quite the opposite - I'm withholding it until the end of the post so that you know the whole story before you make a judgement call or an assumption.

I e-mailed the agency with my problem - that I understood that I may still have to do my hair with them given I'd paid for it but I was disappointed that it meant I had to work with two agencies. I also apologetically turned down the offer of the other makeup artist since airbrush makeup was pretty much a "must-have" for me for a biological reason rather than nitpicky one.

I received a phone call the following morning from the woman who manages the agency - I'm picturing her as an ultra-classy Madame of sorts, cigarette holder and all - and she was very warm, understanding, and apologetic. She not only offered to refund my deposit in full, she even offered to help me call around to find an alternate service provider! She sent me the contact information for a few other places to get me started and welcomed further contact from me if I wasn't having any luck calling around on my own. It was really very sweet and far more than she needed to offer.

In a way I'm now even more sad because I'll be missing out on working with such lovely people with a good sense of customer service - not to mention how to run a business in a competitive industry!

On reflection, I have a sense that her response was largely due to the fact that I was also understanding of the problem. I actually led off the conversation by asking if the original makeup artist was all right, given they had cited medical stuff as the reason for the cancellation. That probably helped my case because it was pretty clear I wasn't out to jump down anyone's throats or demand money back; like I've said before, I seldom am when I'm the customer. And I'm certainly not going to give anyone grief when it's no one's fault.

I got a good outcome, really, because I was offered a full refund of the deposit when they were not legally required to offer one. I thought that was awesome of them. And that they offered to help me out with finding someone else? Extra awesome.

This experience made me understand that most people in businesses like this really are in it because they love watching brides look beautiful on their wedding day. It's not (always) a cash-grab, it's a pretty genuine love of weddings and making someone feel good and perfect on a big day. Much of my disillusionment around the over-commercialisation of weddings has been diluted through this experience, which I think makes it a win in a way.

I'm pretty confident I'll find another makeup person well before the wedding, though if you have any recommendations yourselves, please don't hesitate to suggest them! Mostly, I'm now genuinely hoping that the original makeup artist is okay.

The agency in question is Sapphire Hair & Makeup Creations. Its founder, Julie, runs the whole shebang from Brisbane and it appears to have a great reputation in the rest of the country. Julie is the lady who rang me after I'd sent my E-mail, and from the get-go she's been very lovely. I'm disappointed I didn't get to work with her staff this time, but hey maybe a bit of praise on the internet will make up for it?

Hiccup the First: Wedding Favours

I've said this before in a recent post - having a short engagement means that things have to move relatively quickly, but it also means that if things go wrong, I just have to accept them and keep going. This philosophy lasted me just over 2 months.

Neurotic perfectionist that I am, even I know to expect a hiccup or two. My first one popped up two weeks ago, involving our wedding favours (aka "bonbonnieres" but I can't say it without giggling because apparently I'm 6).

A box came for me at work, and the energy was building the second I was informed that it'd been delivered. This was the first thing to arrive in the mail that would actually be a part of our wedding! I somehow managed to wait until I had a free moment before I tore into it with much glee, ready to be overwhelmed with giddy excitement.

So, physics! The higher up you are, the harder you hit the ground when you fall.

Without going into too much detail, what arrived was not what I had been expecting. And while I'd been prepared for it not to be 100% up to my expectations, I was also painfully aware that these were meant to go out to our guests as gifts. Which meant that I was determined for these, at least, to be of an acceptable enough quality that we can happily give them away.

Nope. Not a chance.

The disappointment that kicked in wasn't debilitating so much as it was, in hindsight, melodramatically motivating. There were no tears, but instead a very rapid series of messages sent to the supplier, noting in point form my initial issues with the items in question. I examined them further after that and found even more issues, which resulted in more messages being sent to the supplier. Somehow in the midst of this, the rational part of my brain managed to get me to fire off a text to Blake to inform him of the problem.

As much as I like to think myself an assertive person, I am absolutely awful at being the wronged customer. Rather than dig in my heels and demand this or that, I'm one of those people who slowly folds in on themselves, wondering if I deserved this because they only cost this much or maybe I shouldn't be so picky or if I missed something in the transaction or item description that had previously indicated that there would be a problem. I absolutely hate making a fuss unless it's about something far more important in the grand scheme of things - like, you know, marriage equality. After all, as a pragmatically self-deprecating part of my brain says from behind its newspaper, it's only money, and aren't I lucky that I can afford to spend it on things like wedding favours in the first place?

I want to say that if this wasn't going to be something that my guests will be taking home with them, I would have been happy to let it go and run with it. But, like I said, this is meant to be a gift - a thank you for sharing our day with us. It needs to be done right if we're doing it at all.

So when a fuss needs to be (rightfully) made, Blake usually gets called in to assist. Sometimes he takes the phone off me to handle the situation, and sometimes he'll just coach me on what my rights are. Over the years, he's gotten really good at knowing when to offer himself up as my megaphone and when to give me some space and let me get on with it. In this case, he ran me through my options after calming me down and I was able to deal with it myself.

Which I have - I took it up with Paypal. The decision did not go in my favour and I am now upset because the seller escalated the dispute and I was never given the opportunity to explain my side of the story. I have complained to Paypal just to have my say, though the outcome is unlikely to change. Oh well.

As hiccups go, this one was relatively small and minor. Mostly, I'm glad I have enough time to roll out a Plan B. And for those reading, a cautionary tale - if you've lodged a dispute on Paypal, make sure you're the one who escalates it because it looks like they'll side with you!