I was wondering what had been keeping you! I'm super glad you've finally found your way into my brain, but only because I'd been wondering when exactly you were going to decide to turn up.

For much of the past few months, things have been relatively calm. All my hiccups thus far, as I've pointed out before, have been minor and easily remedied. That's not to say I've just encountered a big, day-ruining hiccup, though. It's just that the minor hiccups had been slowing rolling into each other, picking up speed as they barreled downhill and I was just sitting there, minding my own business, hanging out on the piedmont, when FOOMF! The avalanche hit.

It all started when we went on vacation to Melbourne to go to a gaming convention. That was fantastic, before you ask - we had a lot of fun checking out the newest AAA titles, indie games, and tabletop games. And while I'd brought my iPad with me, I didn't really get very much wedding planning done as I'd figured I needed a break from that, too.

Then, on the Sunday, I overheard Blake tell a mate of ours that our wedding was "next month".

HOLY SHIT, WHAT?

The gears frantically clicked into place and I realised that, indeed, it was now November. NOVEMBER. THE MONTH BEFORE DECEMBER.

Suddenly, I no longer had "all the time in the world" to solve any issues that popped up. Suddenly, anything I might need ordered in from overseas may not actually get here in time for the wedding! Suddenly, people will start saying "whoa, that's soon!" and "I'm sorry that your other supplier cancelled on you, but we're fully booked for the rest of the year!" Suddenly, time was running out.

It's not even about things actually going wrong - it's suddenly worrying about things that might go wrong because what if I can't solve them?!

There have been a few other stressors rearing their ugly heads - mostly stuff to do with work and my physical health. I'm leaving that deliberately vague because this isn't the place to go into detail on either of these things, but I will say that I'm starting to get overwhelmed by things that don't normally overwhelm (or even whelm) me.

As an example, this evening I was poking around the internet looking for a bridal clutch purse. I then remembered that my grandmother gave me a small clutch years ago that was always a bit too shiny for my tastes so I never used it, but it'd be perfect for the wedding! I poked around in the house for a bit and couldn't find it and immediately became worried that I might have thrown it out or donated it in the last Great Wardrobe Purge. I promptly burst into tears, even as Blake helped me look.

The good news is, I did end up finding the clutch. It was one of those moments where the ever-sentimental past-Vivienne was looking out for future-Vivienne, even though present-Vivienne keeps telling herself she needs to get rid of anything she doesn't use!

The relief I felt when I found the clutch was intense, and it made me realise that the breaking point cometh. It was the smallest damned thing - I won't even have it on me until after the Ceremony! - and I was in tears over it?! I don't think the phrase "bridal clutch" was even in my vernacular when I first started planning the wedding!

Anyway, what prompted me to make this post was an admission that I need to maintain perspective. I've been really good at reminding myself that all I really need is for Blake to say yes and for the celebrant to do her legal bit, and the day will be a success! Everything else is extra. I repeat it like a mantra. But sometimes I think I say it so often that it loses meaning somehow, and these days the reminder only slows me down when I accompany it with a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath.