An Introspection Regarding Burpturd Behaviour
In an earlier post, I'd brought up a few possible reasons why brides become "burpturd brides", which is my hilariously silly term for "bridezilla". It's a bit crass and rude, sure, but all in good humour, I think.
I'm sure you've figured it out by reading between the lines, but I am deathly afraid of being thought of as a burpturd bride. I don't want to cause a fuss, I don't want to put my foot down, I don't want to be demanding. I am terrified at the prospect of someone even thinking anything that resembles: "ugh, bridezilla".
There have been a number of incidents where that fear popped up as an issue, and the one I'll use as an example is the hiccup regarding the Dorothy shoes.
The poignant part of that post is that I was going to wedge a chunk of newspaper into my wedding shoes just so that they could fit "well enough" for me to walk down the aisle. I really was! I had the paper in my hand, all scrunched up and ready to go! I absolutely did not want to return them and I did not want to call them to let them know something was wrong. My first instinct was to jury-rig it into being functional, even if it couldn't be perfect.
Initially, I blamed that behaviour on, well, myself. Sheer laziness, for one thing. It was going to be too much trouble to go to the post office to send the shoes back, too much trouble to negotiate for replacement shoes to be sent to me before I send mine back (as I needed them for a dress fitting and it wasn't clear the new ones would make it in time), too much trouble to solve the problem. And for another thing, it was probably my fault anyway for not sizing my feet properly.
It didn't occur to me until after I'd written that hiccup post that, hang on, was it really just about all that? Or was there something else I'd been smashing down and ignoring since the moment I said "yes" to Blake in a room full of candles and flowers?
As I eventually concluded, I was also terrified at the possibility that someone at Shoes of Prey - or literally anyone else - would think I was a burpturd bride.
This is, as you've likely already spotted, a completely irrational thing to worry about, because the shoes just don't fit! They need to be fixed! There is nothing overly burpturdy about wanting shoes that fit! Stop being ridiculous!
But then, it was the same with the flowers. My florist came back with an in-progress photo of the flowers I've ordered, and while she nailed the bridal bouquet, a few of the other items weren't 100% to my liking. My first instinct? To make myself be okay with them, because clearly I'd fucked up when putting the order in somehow! Those flowers don't really look that odd poking out of the posy, do they? They're fine.
If you're starting to feel a bit of sympathy for Blake, good.
I am so bad at giving anyone negative feedback on something that is subjective. Add on the fact that I want to be remembered by everyone as "that really cool laidback relaxed bride we had at the end of 2014" rather than a "bridezilla", and it's almost enough for a weird internal meltdown. I also like deferring to expertise so when suppliers come back with something I don't quite like, I blame it on my own bad taste. My first instinct is never to demand they change or fix it right away, it's usually to hem and haw about how it's really not that bad and maybe it's not them, it's me!
I'm getting a bit better at asserting my preferences. My parents, through repeat discussions on the Chan-Clan-household-mandatory-text Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People, have long instilled in me a belief that there is a way to be assertive without being rude or demanding, though I don't always bother with that unless the occasion calls for it. Well, those skills are certainly being used to their maximum these days. I mean, I will go burpturd on a vendor or supplier if warranted, but 100% of the time it's a last resort. As I've been taught, any one can yell or demean or criticize to get the outcome that they want - and it probably works very well! But my conscience drives me to try to be a classier, more understanding customer. Shoot, if I were a vendor, whose bouquet/makeup/hair/dress/photos is going to get more time and effort from me because I want to put in more, rather than because I have to?
Before I start sounding too pompous, I will acknowledge that there's certainly room for cynicism here. There are plenty of people who will prioritize the loudest and most difficult customers because they're the ones that will bring the bad press, at the expense of the customer who is more understanding and forgiving. Absolutely. But I'd rather be the flexible and more relaxed customer than the burpturdy one by a long shot, because I'll be a bit happier with imperfection than a burpturdy person is likely to be with something perfect.