Invitation Gratification

This post may end up reading like an ad spot for Paperless Post. I promise that it isn't, even though we did decide to use it for our wedding invitations. We'd received invitations via Paperless Post before - first among them from our friend Jess, who used it for her 30th birthday invites early last year. As the name implies, it's an online service that lets you send out all kinds of cards that would normally be popped into the post. Party invitations, thank you cards, birthday cards, and save-the-dates can all be sent with this service, which can be free or cost a bit of money, depending on what you're after.

It struck me as a great idea for our own wedding because, well, Blake and I aren't really sure how much a stamp costs anymore. You send your guests an E-mail containing the picture of an envelope, and when they click on it, your invitation flies out of it and displays on-screen! The designs are very customisable, right down to the stamp you want to put on the envelope (we chose one with a dinosaur on it).

You can choose to use totally free designs (as we did for our Tea Ceremony invites), or spend a bit of money on the flashier ones (as we will for our Wedding Ceremony invites). It will all cost us way less than it would have if we'd decided to print and mail them off instead.

For me, the money-saving aspect is just one small, teeny tiny advantage of doing invitations electronically. The big winner is the instant gratification aspect of it. Not only can I get RSVPs right away, Paperless Post in particular lets you see to whom you've sent the invite, who has opened the invite, who is attending, and who isn't attending! So I get to look at our entire guest list and giggle with overly enthusiastic glee as an invitation goes from being "sending" to "sent" to "opened" to "attending"! And what if I put in a bad E-mail address and it bounces back? No worries - Paperless Post will tell you if it's undeliverable, too!

I can also send RSVP reminders with the click of a button, which I think is awesome, especially after I'd heard some of the RSVP nightmares from coworkers and friends. Evidently there are some people out there (family, mostly) who say things like "of course I'm coming, you already know I am, do I still have to RSVP to the Tea Ceremony?"

HEY. LISTEN. I'M A BRIDESMAID AT A MATE'S WEDDING AND I STILL RSVP'D USING THE RSVP OPTION PROVIDED TO ME. IT'S POLITE, GUYS. A NON-RESPONSE IS NOT A "NO" OR AN "OF COURSE", IT'S A NON-RESPONSE THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO CHASE UP AND THEY HATE DOING THAT.

That's not just me talking. That's every single person I've talked to about their weddings, whether it was online, paper, or something in-between.

I cannot imagine what it must be like for people to mail off a paper invite, wonder if it's arrived yet, wondering if the reply's in the mail, and wondering if you haven't gotten a reply because they didn't receive it or aren't coming or if the reply's still on the way! Not to mention some people on the other side of the world who think that popping it in the mail on the date of the RSVP deadline means that it totally counts as getting it in on time!

I've heard from a few folks who feel that an electronic invitation doesn't replace the personal aspect of a paper one. I kind of get this, but only kind of. To me the sending of a paper invitation is only more personal insofar as there might be some DNA of ours left on the envelope after we'd touched or licked it. That's kind of creepy, guys.

It's not like a lot of thought didn't go into our invitation. We put plenty of effort into creating and customising everything on it; we just skipped a few steps after that! Now I'm not saying that a text-only E-mail is somehow less thoughtful or not an okay option; shoot, I reckon that if you want to send someone a text saying HEY COME TO MAH WEDDIN' <STRING OF EMOJI> then that's fine and dandy!

Now, a very close family friend of ours doesn't "do" the internet. Like, no computer, no smartphone, no E-mail address, nothing. She's made the point that some people might want to keep a copy of the invitation as a memento of the occasion, particularly for those who might not be able to attend themselves. Ah, now there's something that makes sense to me.

Incidentally, a service Paperless Post also provides is that you can order paper versions of most of their online designs. It could be an idea for us to order some of these for our immediate family members, just as something for them to hold onto to mark the occasion until the photos are sent through! Something that's still being considered, largely dependent on how much longer I really want my To-Do List to get!

Tail Status: Tucked Between Legs

When I say that I wanted our wedding to be "simple", it's really a socially acceptable way to say "affordable". Surprising no one. But we're also not glitzy or glamorous people, preferring understated elegance and comfort over being showy or extravagant. It's fine if you are a bit showy - it's your day, after all, be as showy as you want! But for me, and as I touched on a bit in an earlier post, I'm just not down with spending gobs of money unless it's meaningful and important.

Blake and I reached our first major disagreement on the wedding in the last couple of weeks. I had previously pictured us being transported to and from the wedding in cars driven by friends, not just to save money but to keep things comfortable and intimate. Blake, however, had a preference for hiring chauffeurs and cars. To be clear, I was not opposed to this idea and was happy to pay for this if it was reasonably priced.

Then along comes this gorgeous fucking car. (Note: make and model have been redacted; it's not a secret but why spill before the big day if it can be a surprise?).

Quick tangent. Blake will argue until he's blue that he found it, but the story as I recall it was that I was looking at hire car options shortly after our discussion about transportation for the wedding. In my poking around I found this gorgeous car and showed it to Blake, who agreed that it was so awesome that he looked into it again a few days later to get a quote (which is when he thinks he found it). This conflicting account of events wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that I had felt like a damn good fiancée for spotting it first and knowing he'd like it, so I'm really not going to let this go.

Anyway. I made my own bed, as it were, because the quote that came back was firmly in my definition of "extravagant". But it being a gorgeous car, Blake was not down with dropping the idea. 

Ever since the car entered our universe, we've been having sporadic and brief discussions about whether or not we should hire it. I was firmly on the "no" side because I just couldn't justify spending that kind of money on a car. I used reasons like "it's just not us to ride around in something like that", "it's really not in the theme of a simple wedding", etc etc.

In the end, however, Blake did manage to get through to me when he mentioned my wedding ring. We had a budget for how much we were going to get to spend on it, because it was coming out of our joint savings - Blake's not paying for it on his own. Well, after researching and searching high and low for the right ring, I eventually had to ask if we could raise the budget by about a third. Blake's response was simple and consistent: "if it makes you happy, then that's fine."

And honestly, that's been his mantra through ALL of the wedding planning so far. He's not the sort of person to dig his heels in about much unless it's really important to him, and it pays for me to be reminded.

I need to make it clear that Blake didn't "throw it in my face" when he mentioned the ring; he was just letting me know that getting the chance to ride in that car would make him as excited as I was to find the perfect ring. And while I didn't initially see it that way because for me it's "just a car that you'll ride in for one day, STOP BEING SO UNREASONABLE", to Blake it was going to be a lot of fun to ride in and relax with his groomsmen before rocking up on the biggest day of our lives.

Well shit, I think to myself. I've been an ass.

Naturally, I felt completely abashed and retreated into my shame-cave when I came to this realisation. I think I've only just crawled back out, and I've agreed for us to look into hiring that car now. I'll be riding around in far less expensive but completely enclosed air-conditioned comfort myself, but I do admit that Blake's car will look amazing in photos. So that's definitely something to look forward to!

The Fedex Emotional Rollercoaster

Singling Fedex out in this instance is perhaps a bit unfair, because they're far from the only company offering tracking information when a parcel is sent. But they are involved on this particular parcel, plus it keeps the title of the post shorter.

My wedding ring is being mailed to me via Fedex. It took several weeks of searching and calling around and trying things on and whatnot, but in the end it came down to two candidates: a ring in Townsville (QLD) to be made by my good mate Kalina's father versus a ring to be made in the USA where I actually got to choose each individual diamond (more stressful than exciting, as it turns out).

In the end, as I referenced in another post, what made the decision was palladium. I really did want a ring made in palladium and between the two options, that left me with the USA one.

After some to-ing and fro-ing about certain diamonds not being available and getting suitable alternatives and whatnot, I received a shipping notification and tracking information from Fedex late last week.

I have checked the Fedex tracking information at least thrice a day since then, following this tiny shiny thing across the US, through to Singapore, and as of the writing of this post it's currently in Belmont, WA. Guys, I drove through Belmont today, which is rare because I very seldom drive to work.

I PROBABLY DROVE RIGHT PAST MY RING AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

The status is listed as "In Transit" but it also says "Clearance in Progress". That was at 01:33 this morning and there have been no updates since then. So is it in a truck now and the website just didn't update? DOES THAT MEAN IT'S ON ITS WAY NOW? COULD THERE BE A PROBLEM WITH THE CLEARANCE? WHAT DOES CLEARANCE EVEN MEAN? WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?!

Tracking information is one of those curse-as-blessing things that looks amazing and useful but, for me at least, actually causes an undue amount of stress and over-excitement. What this means is that if I don't get my ring within the next 24 hours, oh my gosh I'm going to be SO UPSET, probably more upset than I would have been had I not known that it's somewhere in Perth right this minute!

Red Wedding... Shoes

Ever since finding the wedding dress, I've been on the lookout for red shoes to wear with it. They have to be red for a number of reasons, not least being that it'd be fun to have a splash of color with my outfit.

One of the advantages of shopping for red shoes is that it's a pretty fast process, both online and off. Color filters speed things up a fair bit, and it's pretty easy to spot red shoes in a store and go straight to them to check them out! Of course, the downside is that the selection was really, really limited. The other problem was that I had a very specific shade of red in mind, and it was proving difficult to find in a style that would suit a wedding.

Time was also a factor. The shoes will also be matching other aspects of the look that we can't start on until after we get them.

In the end, the solution was clear: Shoes of Prey. I'd first heard about the website from a colleague who was also getting married and was having blue shoes made for her wedding. I didn't really want to go this route because it's hard to know what the colors look like in person versus on-screen, but then they send you 5 samples for $15. And once I saw the fabric, I knew we had to go for it.

Given that they are pretty customisable and will be made to suit my feet (from individual sizing for each foot in both length and width), the price is totally reasonable - under A$200! Including shipping! In 4 weeks! Shoot, that's pretty damn competitive if you're talking about shoe-shopping here in Australia.

That's not saying they'll be perfect in every way, but it'll be close. And if it's too far from perfect, they seem to have a well-reviewed returns policy!

A Quick One About Music

I've just started looking into music for the wedding, and while I honestly care more about the music playing during the party, I did have a cursory look at what song could accompany me when I walk down the aisle.

Those who've already been through this process will know this reaction, I think, but: HOLY CRAP THERE IS SO MUCH MUSIC OUT THERE WHERE DO I EVEN START.

I've only been looking at this bit for a couple of days and I found a lot of possibilities. My idea was to come up with a shortlist, re-listen to my shortlist to shorten the shortlist, then run the list past Blake and the A-Team.

Then that moment happens when an idea pops into your head, and all you can think is, "why didn't I think of this before?" And you have your doubts because what if it doesn't sound as good as I remember, or sound as good as it could, or doesn't really match my story, or has some negative connotations, or any other of a laundry list of reasons why a song wouldn't be for me?

Then, thanks to the internet, you find that song and you listen to it. And for lots of reasons impossible to put into words, you burst into tears when you hear it. Because it's perfect, because it's you, because it sounds beautiful.

Needless to say this very sudden and unexpected emotional reaction told me that I had found the perfect song. Knowing me I will keep looking anyway, just to compare, but I'm pretty confident I've found it.

About the Dress

Keep it simple, stupid. That is, in essence, what I've been trying to do in planning the celebrations in both Perth and Singapore. There have been exceptions, usually when something's importance supersedes that priority, sure, but ultimately it's been a brilliant guide.

I called to arrange appointments at a number of bridal places within 2 days of getting engaged, initially very happy to shop for a red or white dress, even to wear a bridesmaid dress as a wedding gown. See, I'd already heard from a few mates that dresses can take anywhere between 4 and 8 months to arrive when ordered. So I figured doing things that way could keep both time and money in my pocket.

I invited a small panel of ladies to join me on the day and checked out a few bridal shops where I knew I was likely to get good service. Fortunately, as a bridesmaid in my mate Courtney's wedding, I'd already been to a few and definitely knew a few places to avoid.

Anyway, by the end of the day, the camp was firmly in the "white" side of the equation, and I'd found dresses well within my price range and well under budget - costing not much more than a bridesmaid dress. There was one that appeared to tick a lot of boxes, including being one of the few that everyone loved. It happened to be one of the last ones I tried on the day.

The problem I had was that I went home skeptical. The bridal shops didn't let us take photos of any of the dresses I tried, which meant it was down to my brain and maybe a few stealth-shots to help make a decision. I slept on it overnight, woke up still skeptical, and by the evening of the next day, I found myself looking at more dresses. Not a promising sign. (That my arthritis flared up in a big way after the dress shopping probably didn't help much.)

Style aside, that dress would not arrive until 4 weeks before the wedding at the earliest; I'm not down with playing things that close to the chest. So that was also adding to a slowly growing list of realisations that I was not on the right track.

I solved this problem by calling up Blake's sister, Jade, at the very last minute and inviting her to return to the first bridal shop where we'd found some possibilities - Pearls Bridal, which was near both of us and easy to access. They squeezed us in at the last minute (I think I gave them 5 minutes' notice?), and I tried on one of the top options from the first time around, which was a bridesmaid dress that could arrive in 2 months. Nope, didn't look as good as it did in my memory. I tried a new wedding dress that caught my eye, and it looked great, but this one cost quite a bit more and also would arrive with very little time to spare before the wedding.

Eventually, it came down to just keeping it simple. The lovely ladies at Pearls had me try on what had to be the simplest wedding dress yet, with no embellishments except what we could add ourselves. Jade and I got excited - this sounded like HEAPS of fun. The best part? The dress I tried on was in the size I would've needed to order.

Done deal - got a discount for it off the rack, and no more worrying about whether I'll get it in time! Sure, I have some extra work to do now in finding a few extra accessories to dress it up a bit, but I'm actually having a lot of fun with that, too. KISS, indeed.

Many thanks to the ladies who came with me on the day; I honestly don't think I would've known what to do or what looked good if it hadn't been for your feedback!

On Photographic Memories

Let me preface this post with a quick disclaimer: I do not judge you for what you did or will choose for your wedding. I firmly believe that every individual and couple has their own priorities and preferences; mine being different to theirs does not make them silly or unimportant or not-as-awesome as my own. Just because it's not *for* me doesn't make it bad. As people have been reminding me: it's our day, we will do what we like, and I fully respect everyone else's right to that same sentiment without judgement.

We have been meeting with professional wedding photographers because that's apparently the way of things these days. You can technically pay as little or as much as you like for the service, though there are cautions everywhere about getting what you pay for, and to be wary if someone charges a price that's "too good to be true". It could mean their photos suck! Or their service sucks! Or their professionalism is shit! Any number of warnings.

I have found myself completely bamboozled - discombobulated, even - by what the expectations are around photos. I've been told that they are the only record of the day, and so they have to be important and done right. I disagree with this personally because, well, the fact that I have a husband serves as a pretty good record of the day. Our marriage certificate is also a darn good reminder.

I'm not saying no photos. Of course I want photos, so as to show people who couldn't make it - or weren't there, like future kids - how it all happened. But I guess I just can't buy into the hype that 600 photos is somehow necessary. 600 photos! A real number that was quoted to me! Who is going to have the attention span to look at all of them?!

I almost feel like the more photos I have, the less meaning is derived from each of them. The fewer I have, the more important and meaningful those few photos have to me - they are somehow more precious because it captures the day in a simple way. Brevity, you know?

I grew up in a pragmatic family who believed that luxury should have a good strong link to sentiment and quality. There must be meaning behind the money you are spending, and you choose where and how things are meaningful. My parents got married in a very simple ceremony, with only ONE (1) wedding photo of the day - not even professionally taken - that has lasted them through over 35 years of marriage thus far. I have never wanted or needed to know more than that as their child, and they have never wanted or needed more than that photo.

This is to say nothing of all the alleged components of a wedding day shoot. We want something simple, compressed, and meaningful. In my mind I envisaged this being first-look photos, ceremony photos, a brief stint with the family and a (small) bridal party, and our reception. But then I get photographers asking me about engagement photos, pre-wedding photos, getting-ready photos, right-after-getting-ready photos, cake photos, first-dance photos, venue photos, boys photos, girls photos. Then my eyes start to glaze over and I realise that this particular photographer doesn't really GET us.

I get that those things are important to others, and that's awesome! But that's also none of my business! I just feel like if I've had a conversation with our photographer about what we're looking for and they're still bringing up things I haven't mentioned (because they don't exist in Viv's Brainspace Reserved for Important and Meaningful Things), then maybe this person isn't right for me?

In and amongst all this, of course, is what Blake wants. He has told me that he'd like some good photos and knows what kind of style he likes, but somehow I feel we share a similar thought that maybe we don't need six hundred of them. And I'm not down for paying for six hundred photos when it's not important to me to have quite that many.

It's not that I'm not willing to spend the money, nor am I going to walk away just because they want to give me *too much*; I'm just not in the habit of letting go of that amount without making sure all my boxes are ticked. The biggest thing for me is that they get "us" and what we're about. Then comes how comfortable they make me feel. Then comes their photography style. Then comes the price and what we get for that price. The tricky thing is that it's not just me they have to please; it's Blake, too (though, bless the poor fella, I honestly think he really just wants me to be happy, if only so I don't have a meltdown that he has to clean up).

Of course, I'm aware that we've only just started talking to photographers, and maybe all this means is that I haven't found the right one for us yet. We are looking at a fair number of people of varying price ranges and referral sources, and I'm confident I'll find someone we will just connect to and would actually consider dropping some $TEXAS on for their services.