On Photographic Memories

Let me preface this post with a quick disclaimer: I do not judge you for what you did or will choose for your wedding. I firmly believe that every individual and couple has their own priorities and preferences; mine being different to theirs does not make them silly or unimportant or not-as-awesome as my own. Just because it's not *for* me doesn't make it bad. As people have been reminding me: it's our day, we will do what we like, and I fully respect everyone else's right to that same sentiment without judgement.

We have been meeting with professional wedding photographers because that's apparently the way of things these days. You can technically pay as little or as much as you like for the service, though there are cautions everywhere about getting what you pay for, and to be wary if someone charges a price that's "too good to be true". It could mean their photos suck! Or their service sucks! Or their professionalism is shit! Any number of warnings.

I have found myself completely bamboozled - discombobulated, even - by what the expectations are around photos. I've been told that they are the only record of the day, and so they have to be important and done right. I disagree with this personally because, well, the fact that I have a husband serves as a pretty good record of the day. Our marriage certificate is also a darn good reminder.

I'm not saying no photos. Of course I want photos, so as to show people who couldn't make it - or weren't there, like future kids - how it all happened. But I guess I just can't buy into the hype that 600 photos is somehow necessary. 600 photos! A real number that was quoted to me! Who is going to have the attention span to look at all of them?!

I almost feel like the more photos I have, the less meaning is derived from each of them. The fewer I have, the more important and meaningful those few photos have to me - they are somehow more precious because it captures the day in a simple way. Brevity, you know?

I grew up in a pragmatic family who believed that luxury should have a good strong link to sentiment and quality. There must be meaning behind the money you are spending, and you choose where and how things are meaningful. My parents got married in a very simple ceremony, with only ONE (1) wedding photo of the day - not even professionally taken - that has lasted them through over 35 years of marriage thus far. I have never wanted or needed to know more than that as their child, and they have never wanted or needed more than that photo.

This is to say nothing of all the alleged components of a wedding day shoot. We want something simple, compressed, and meaningful. In my mind I envisaged this being first-look photos, ceremony photos, a brief stint with the family and a (small) bridal party, and our reception. But then I get photographers asking me about engagement photos, pre-wedding photos, getting-ready photos, right-after-getting-ready photos, cake photos, first-dance photos, venue photos, boys photos, girls photos. Then my eyes start to glaze over and I realise that this particular photographer doesn't really GET us.

I get that those things are important to others, and that's awesome! But that's also none of my business! I just feel like if I've had a conversation with our photographer about what we're looking for and they're still bringing up things I haven't mentioned (because they don't exist in Viv's Brainspace Reserved for Important and Meaningful Things), then maybe this person isn't right for me?

In and amongst all this, of course, is what Blake wants. He has told me that he'd like some good photos and knows what kind of style he likes, but somehow I feel we share a similar thought that maybe we don't need six hundred of them. And I'm not down for paying for six hundred photos when it's not important to me to have quite that many.

It's not that I'm not willing to spend the money, nor am I going to walk away just because they want to give me *too much*; I'm just not in the habit of letting go of that amount without making sure all my boxes are ticked. The biggest thing for me is that they get "us" and what we're about. Then comes how comfortable they make me feel. Then comes their photography style. Then comes the price and what we get for that price. The tricky thing is that it's not just me they have to please; it's Blake, too (though, bless the poor fella, I honestly think he really just wants me to be happy, if only so I don't have a meltdown that he has to clean up).

Of course, I'm aware that we've only just started talking to photographers, and maybe all this means is that I haven't found the right one for us yet. We are looking at a fair number of people of varying price ranges and referral sources, and I'm confident I'll find someone we will just connect to and would actually consider dropping some $TEXAS on for their services.