There are a lot of recently-wedded people at work and in my personal life, which has led of course to a fair number of heated discussions about that one thing that none of us want to be but sometimes have to become: the bridezilla. It's an unfortunate and inaccurate term (seriously, people apparently don't really "get" Godzilla), so I'm going to use "burpturd bride" instead. Mostly because the sound of it makes me laugh, it's 100% made up, and I can't say I'm borrowing it from anywhere.

I am determined to be a calm, laidback, pretty relaxed bride. I knew my engagement was short, so that means having to let a lot of things go. It runs counter to my neurotic nature, but I figured that I could be neurotic about being calm and laidback. Yeah, I'm gaming the system, and this is not going to backfire in any way.

(This is the part of the movie where they zoom in on all those eggs that that the just-killed mother monster laid that no one will find until the next movie.)

Thus far, I've been successful. Just. I got a bit fired up about the wedding favours thing (which, again, was something that goes to my guests), but since then it's all been pretty chill.

It's super common for engaged couples to come to the eventual conclusion that weddings seem to be horrendously over-commercialised and overpriced. It's hard not to get disillusioned by all of it. I've heard stories of the "wedding tax", of wedding cakes costing 250% more than the same cake that had been purchased as a replica of a wedding cake at a 50th anniversary party. It was juuuuuust enough to make me go full-on cynic, until a friend of mine offered an alternate perspective.

I know this lovely girl named Julia. She used to work as a florist and while she doesn't do that anymore, she did explain the story from the suppliers' side. I'm paraphrasing here, but she pointed out that, for wedding flowers, they put in extra hours and their most experienced florists and their very best-looking flowers. There's also more time and energy spent communicating with brides to make sure that they get precisely what they want. These extras incur dollars. That's to say nothing of the fact that fresh flowers can't exactly be done weeks in advance; it needs to be timed, scheduled, delivered, and perfect. There are brides out there who really, really care how their flowers look, and if you don't commit every resource available to providing the perfect product, there's no telling how they will react if it's not quite what they want.

But what if you don't want or need "perfect"? You could easily argue that maybe you don't need all that extra attention and you'd genuinely be happy paying less for less. Surely it's not fair for burpturd brides to ruin things for you when you're so laidback and offbeat!

The fact is, from the supplier's point of view, they can't tell if you're a burpturd bride until you actually become one, usually only after something has gone wrong. We all know there are burpturd brides out there who start out being burpturd brides and you can see them coming a mile away. But there are also plenty of brides out there who, like me, attempt to be easygoing and calm about the whole wedding plan.

At least at first.

Insert a metric tonne of stress, all the Expectations from your friends and family, your own ceaseless second-guesses, and the realisation that you are spending gobs of money on this wedding. As the timer ticks down and stuff starts being delivered and coming together, suddenly that vague, nice-looking bouquet you were hoping for morphs into horrifically specific, no-this-flower-needs-to-go-here, posy-wrecking mayhem.

And never forget the inexcusably high possibility of something being criticised by someone who has a snarky OPINION on the decisions you've made for your wedding.

Almost overnight, that laidback bride becomes a burpturd bride. The flowers into which the florist put their blood and sweat are crap. Your wedding is ruined. And you tell all your friends about it. You post on the internet about it.

That probably doesn't happen often, but it really only has to happen once for suppliers to be on their guard. It's safer for their business and their reputation to assume that all brides are burpturd brides, because at least if things go wrong, brides can't claim you didn't do everything you possibly could to make the day perfect. And honestly, I don't think anyone gets in the wedding business with the intent to defraud others of their money if it also means dealing with more than one's fair share of bridal burpturdiness. Surely it'd be simpler to own a car dealership.

BA-ZING.

Let's not forget the lesson I learned from my makeup hiccup - there are people out there who genuinely love weddings and they are committed to making them perfect, which means they will charge more because that commitment costs more. I totally get and respect that.

Thus far, I've managed to maintain the laidback, easygoing facade I have created for all things wedding. It helps that I'm a pretty big advocate of deferring to expertise, and honestly have no opinion on half the things that I've encountered. Florist, I envision that I am paying not only for your flowers and your time, but also your training and experience. Makeup person, I am paying for your understanding of what makeup can and can't do, what does and doesn't look good; not just for your brushes and products.

But I do acknowledge what it means from the other side. Whether you're a florist, make-up artist, photographer, dressmaker, or hair stylist, much of your business deals in subjectivity. You could think that something looks great while your client absolutely hates it. I definitely understand that the folks in these sorts of businesses appreciate having a place to start, though it does become exhausting creating an opinion out of nothing.

I'm sure I'll have a burpturd moment before the wedding is over. There's plenty of time left to go. But for now, when something vaguely burpturdy comes up, I do just take a deep breath and remind myself that the only thing that HAS to happen is that I HAVE to be legally married to Blake by the end of it all. That brings me right down to earth again, and the burpturd bride within remains unstirred.

For now.

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