I remember, with tearful clarity, the way Blake proposed:

With Blake nowhere to be seen and the Up montage from the beginning of the movie playing on the TV (where they grow old together), it was cute, sweet, adorable, sentimental, and private - everything I've ever wanted in a proposal. And I remember, with a touch of shame, how my first instinct was to whip out my phone and photograph it.

It was a beautiful moment and I wanted to document it for posterity, but at the same time a little voice in the back of my head went: be present in the moment, you idiot. And once I made the conscious decision to just enjoy the swell of emotion and Blake surprising the crap out of me by popping out of the pantry ("No one ever checks the pantry!" he claims every single time I tell this story), the tears came in earnest. We sat on the couch, where he showed me the box of photos and the little aluminium foil ring.

It was only after I'd said yes that we reset the scene and I took my photo, from precisely the angle I'd first seen it on walking in from the garage. And it's been handy, being able to show everyone how he did it, and immediately get friends expressing frustration that Blake's ruined the curve, etc etc. But I frequently go back to the moment where I was this><close to just whipping out my phone even before acknowledging the emotion.

There's a buzz-phrase that pops up a lot these days, maybe moreso for me given my line of work: "be present in the moment". I don't know that my family ever articulated this to me, but there has always been a sense that moments are meaningful and important and should be enjoyed because once they're gone, they're gone. The opportunity to get them back as pristine and as perfect as before simply doesn't exist, no matter how many photos or videos we take of the experience. And in my mind, every minute you spend behind a camera taking a photo or video is a minute spent missing out on this present moment.

I recall a good friend's wedding - Kris and Trevor - where a request was made by the bride for all smartphones and cameras to be put away for the processional. Some initial reactions were linked to not wanting amateur photos taken of this, but I reckoned (and Kris has since confirmed) it was more that Kris didn't want to walk down the aisle staring at the backs of phones and into the lenses of cameras. Rather, it was so that she could be greeted by smiling faces and people determined to experience her moment with her, present in the now.

(I totally intend to steal this idea, by the by.)

My post about wedding photography from a couple of weeks ago comes to mind, where I didn't see the need for gobs of photos. I still think that, but I also believe that a separate party for the photography is a good idea - so that someone else can document the day while all our guests are simply present with us. I'm not saying guests are doing the wrong thing or being disrespectful, not at all - everyone is different and some people love extra photos, plus I am guilty of having my phone snapping photos throughout a number of weddings, too - I just think that for our wedding, I know what I'd prefer to see when we come down the aisle.

It makes me wonder from where this incessant need to photograph every little moment came. Of course you want memories - I'm not saying never take a photo or video. I know that you want to capture and immortalize as many as you can. But nowadays it seems like the volume is higher, the timing a constant interruption. Everything from photos of the meal you are having with your mates to, well, almost taking a photo of a beautiful engagement story instead of actually staying grounded within it. (Which I did still take, albeit after the moment was over. So I totally get to stay on this high horse a little while longer.)

In the ever-mounting evidence of my encroachment into old age, my explanation for this is: SOCIAL MEDIA. [dramatic music here] The need to share what you are doing with everyone who couldn't be there is lovely, of course, because you want to include the absentees, but at the same time I can't help but feel like it's just a bit, well, over the goddamn top most of the time. Then, a short hop-and-a-skip away, we arrive at the reason I think weddings these days are becoming more demanding, more expensive, more pomp-and-circumstancy than ever before: because now you can totally share your wedding with the world even if you didn't want to!

Back in the day you'd only really see wedding photos when you pop over to someone's house or it gets mailed to you; now it can end up all over the internet for friends and strangers to see! Maybe that's why the expectations these days are about getting 600 professionally done photos, so that if your photo does get shared around to people beyond your immediate social circles, at least you know they're gorgeous photos and that your wedding was awesome and therefore won't be judged cruelly by strangers?

(The irony of this post being on our wedding website is not lost on me.)

I don't know; this is starting to feel like a bit of a rant so I will slow it down here. The message is: if you come to our wedding, please be present with us. Delight in the emotion, take in every word and every interaction. Share the day - or at least the ceremony - with us, in full. Let the photographers do the documenting; we'd much rather see your smiling faces than the backs of your phones.