The title is a term I'm totally borrowing from my friend Kris, because I honestly haven't been able to come up with another expression quite so accurate without also incorporating disturbing toilet imagery.

We're reaching the part of the planning process where quite a number of final decisions need to be made. Everything left outstanding - jewelry, hair style, makeup, floor plan - now needs to be chosen and locked in. Suppliers will do whatever they can to accommodate me, which is a good thing, but they are terrified of not getting direction from me in case they cock it up and come back with something I hate.

The reality is, though, is that there are a great number of things for which I legitimately don't have an opinion. GASP! VIVIENNE WITH NO OPINION? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!

The bare bones of the ceremonies in both cities are sorted - a place for the ceremony to happen, a time for people to turn up, and people to actually make it happen. All booked in, no issues thus far, and that's really all I care about.

Being a neurotic nutcase, I masquerade as a seemingly normal human being by prioritising everything. I work with lists and ranks - if something is a higher priority, everything beneath it will be ignored and shunned until the higher priority thing is sorted. Right now, all my higher priority stuff is either sorted or does not require further input from me at present. "Pending supplier action", if you would.

This means is that my attention is now turning to the lower-priority decisions that have yet to be made. The thing is, I'm exhausted from all the decision-making that took place in the upper echelons of my priority list, and my stock of "Shits I Give" has been depleted. I may have had opinions for some of these things before, but at this stage in the planning? I'm absolutely done even thinking about the rest of the list.

I do not have an opinion on what colour eyeshadow or lipstick I want on my face. I do not care if a rose is hidden by a lily or an orchid in my bouquet. I don't actually give a shit if the wedding cars have ribbons or not. Where should the wedding chairs go? ON THE GROUND, DUH. And why in the fuck would I care what colours the DJs wear?!

The people asking these questions don't seem to accept my sincere reassurances that my shit-giving bucket is bone-dry. I should also clarify that these requests for input aren't always from my suppliers, either; most of them are actually from well-meaning family and friends who can't seem to tolerate an "I don't know" or "I don't care" answer.

But I must know, they claim. I will care!

Dear everyone - there are simply no spare shits left to give. The only thing I must and will do is marry Blake (his reciprocal "I do" pending). If the thing is not directly impacting on my ability to do that, then at this point it gets zero (0) airtime from me.

I've acknowledged before that a lot of suppliers and vendors do need a place to start. I get it, I really do. But as I also said in that post, I like to defer to their expertise and experience. Please, please for the love of god, just let me fucking defer to your experience. But nope, that's just not going to happen.

Therefore, I'm enlisting a wedding A-Team - people in addition to our not-so-available bridal party who will help me field the extra, superfluous decisions, thus sparing my sanity. If an answer is needed on something that's not a high priority, I am trusting the members of my A-Team to deal with it for me. And they will have my love and gratitude for the rest of my natural life.